the aftermath

Part 5
Is been two weeks now, and everybody around the house, are doing what they do, to keep living:
My dad is fixing thing, paying bills, checking on the condition of the house, always been paranoid for living the house, right now the city that we leave, the crime is on the high with domestic robbery, always concern that somebody should stay. Keep watch. My older brother he get most the relief, every day her girlfriend come to talk , on how he feeling, attending he's client in court, and always going top the gym, and playing the 360's. And the little one, attending he's turtles, going out with friends, focusing more on work, and just playing annoying around me. Which leave me well i pretty much can say, cause i forgetting i never mention anything the life of my mother, so don't worry is brief: Olga was born in 1944 born and raise in Tijuana B.C. Mexico. She was sister of 6 siblings 4 brothers, and 2 sister. she was the second of the family. she took course of secretary which land her a job in law firm, where later at her 24 years she met a man. that later would end up been her husband name Othon. by her 32 she married him. By later years she gave birth to 3 children, so in time she dedicated her job to them, the work, and the husband. Struggling in the education and the well been of all of us. She was a one woman army, that gave us spirit, and the strength, she never gave up on us, for everything stupid that we done. By 1997 she retired from her job, now been a house wife and full time mom. where sometime, she felt in chain, so she decide to take some tai chi classes from there on she began to have another family, of friend, that care for relaxation's was her new wave. Until 2005 she was detected with breast cancer, which over the next 3 years she was taking kimo. She sometime have fear of dying, and worrying of us, with out her the family would fall apart, she couldn't control the conflict of everyone, keep the house clean, how her brother and sister's would live. She didn't felt
secure anymore so she fought it, like a climber, trying to reach the top of the mountain. So she spend it like anything, keeping us happy by telling us that everything will be alright, and continue by seen the family, telling the righting to her brothers, and sisters, of the problems, and always caring for the little one even the ones that make the living who live to make problem's. Huh yeah that was my mom the Dr.Phil of the clan, in the afternoon she always love that show and Oprah huge fan, watching the topic they have in the show. By 2007 her condition was worsen, that she needed another dose of kimo, so she started take vitamin to make her feel better while us always at her side, talking about everyday life. It was the first time that we really felt as a family like any other. until that day in august of 2008. a Saturday, went that mother, saint, the kindness person of the city, went to see her father for the first time.
Next weeks were hard, on the Tuesday will have a church for her, by the very first time the closets friend of her of work, Taishi, the Nana of ours and the family came to send her farewell. A day that can only remind me of Tim Burton Big Fish, at the end of the film where every body knew the father reunited to the cemetery to say goodbye to the man that inspire them. Yeah she was that. i kind hated the church cause really it bother me that they went handling the basket collecting money, which piss me off profiting of the woman, of this angel, a mother. so i left Earlie, to get home, until so brats that i know came to the rescue and invited me for a drink. next days were hard t we were receiving telephone calls from friends and relatives that were nice of them to be worrying, but god it was feeling more like a telemarketing thing. it was nice but i hated it. My dad and brother went to church cause is a catholic custom, to remember the one that dies by going 9 days to it, my big brother well he have work and the girl to take care, as for me, i was battle ling with my emotion doing everything to forget this tragedy that happen, so i play games, from 8pm to 6am, went to see films with friends after writing reviews, going somewhere that isn't home anymore, and visiting Concha who was like a second mother to us. They were time that i almost collapse, and other i was just wasting money to feel better. But it was useless when you have someone who listen to your problem, or your next creation, she always was there telling me to put my feet to reality. But she believe in me and my potential. Now the house feel like ghost place, there's no shouting or watshing dishes or someone petting the dog she came to like. Is not the same, sure we have a house keeper that cook and clean and we get along with her well. But is hard to discover she was more like your best friend of life that never gave up on you, like whitherspoon did with Joaquin in walk the line. You can never replace the one that die so hard, that till you miss, i haven't seen my shrink, and i won't cause the feeling that i have will haunt me for not promising that one thing that i wanted more in my life to be a somebody in something that i like, or to see her grandchildren. Yeah i till feel it. On the next days it was getting hard to find the perfect cemetery to bury her, the prices were high, and the location were far. So we decide to put her ashes in what is to believe be the catacomb of the church. Were yesterday august the 21st she was lay to rest. Every member of her family were there to see her one last time. No one say a word, but they couldn't when you see somebody that gave something for you, is just a shock, so when i was left with a couple of my younger cousin of the family to say good bye. It was something i wasn't prepare to see her go. so i said some word that will calm my cousin or the next generation. so now i sense her talking to her grandpa, talking about the thing she did with her brothers and sisters, us, and her life. The struggle she put up with everything. top of a cloud at night she look the pretty light of the city, especially of the house, and her family watching on how i m writing this blog dedicated to her.
Now tomorrow is another day to work in something so, this is my last blogging for this one i hope you understand the pain is gain when you see someone that you love disappear, like paper on water. So i see ya on the other side.

thank you grandpa, show her a new life.

Part4
It was a Saturday, morning came, the alarm of my radio woke me, i got up get my money, some couple of coins. Wet my hair, put on some work close, wet my hair, and waited by the right time to leave. While i entertainment myself watching some code monkey, and laughing, by 11:30 i left, just having thought by the time i get back, there will be news about my mother, just having that, i started to scare myself. So i meet up with my co- workers forgetting the situation of my mother, by then just keep on talking with them making fun of all thing, playing stuff, just been one of the guys. By the time we get there, i turn off every feeling that i have , no thought, no emotion, no smiles, not making fun of anything. Just been a robot with out a god. the day pass by turning afternoon into nights, by that time i got to now Lupe, a woman at her 40's, mother of 3, work of sales person, have a very confident attitude, sweet, knows her jokes, and always defending those she love. At lunch time, she was mad when she receive a call from her daughter. Calling cause she was left behind by a friend, so she call that person, and shout it out everything she have for what they did, she sounded like a thunder ready to hit someone. Is been a while that i haven't seen a mother get upset. Last time i saw that it was when my own mother was shouting to me on how she would see her own children live a home at the age 40, i got piss told her f word, that when she came to me, and there was nothing i could do about it. That was last time i saw her get mad. I never regret what i told her. So Lupe calm herself down, and with spoke about her life, and of to work again. Only this time i was started feel more proud with the jokes that i was remembering back on my childhood. So i end closing wait up for Lupe to finish. So we catch up with the others. And went home, by the time i got to the car, i told my brother, how afraid i was to getting home, cause seriously i don't want to hear the telephone or let my brother come, tell me of the happening of the only women that raise me right. So arriving, me and my brother take a cab, of to the house we, call, so when we get there, i call my brother from my cell, to ask him where's the keys at, telling me he was at the hospital, so that when we take notice of something. we open the door, i went to take a shower, while my brother listen to some messages, and one was interesting cause it came from the hospital, saying that need us. So i try to get thing in order by watching some TV, feed the dogs, and begin to play some PS2. By that time Cindy my older brother girlfriend came, and told us she was call, so i let her in, and started to talk, of what have happen, she didn't know nothing, so we waited for my brother and father i was at he's room watshing some TV, Until he knock, and told:

At 1:10am

I woman Call Olga Jesus Herrera

vanished.

Living behind a husband

and three son's.

I when out side and scream, later making a call that i wasn't going to work.

I hate this, i hate that the only person that believes, in this my goddamn writing die, without seen the ability, the advancement that i have to make this story. I blame myself for not caring so much for her. for not showing her on what she believe in me me. cause there's nobody who would remember her, accept her children. why wasn't me, i have miserable, i didn't believe in anything, i didn't even wanted to live. But she was always my dove that flew me into something that i believe. She have the kindness of any person that made her into tree that cover you from the ray of the sun, giving you a option of what good that you can do. 2 weeks before this, i when to her room, at her bed i cry for her telling i wanted her top see how i made it to my goal, and the family that was gonna have. She respond me with that will never happen. I will always stay with you. I don't know what's gonna happen next, with her a dream dies. Nd me i got nowhere to go. All i know this ain't gonna end right?

why, are you leaving?

Part3
A whole week she spend in the hospital, while she was receiving many visitor from sister, brothers, and friends. She could hardly walk, or talk, she was asking to go home, spend her time with her true family. While my father and brothers, we spend our time doing the cleaning, and watching, and paying the bill to have a roof over us.But when it come night, non of us couldn't sleep, for worrying on what time our mother would die. Thing was changing when my dad was planing to get a new maid, cause when a 20year old, could do the work complete, she just came at 7 to make breakfast, to some little cleaning, by 10am she leave, and seriously that wasn't what we were paying her. Having 2 child, she couldn't have her mind on work, but more focus on her child. So she was replace, someone who could stay more and make us diner, and to the complete cleaning. So the house, was clean as ever before. But later we received news that mom was in the condition to be home, but still she need it medical attention, so we hire a nurse to always keep an eye on her need, and bring some medical equipment. Every day aunt's and friends came to visit, from moving her in the wheelchair, changing the clothes, calming her by talking, we soon follow doing our part, but when we see her, it wasn't the same , cause of the tube she have it wasn't her, it wasn't the mother we know. It felt like a graveyard, she was lying in a coffin, always staring up, coughing every time, and not moving. My little brother was suffering more, then my dad. the nurse stay the whole night attending her, for anything, but now she was starting to feel eel. cause on the 4day she was starting to suffered with so much pain in her body, that it was impossible for her to move, she was like a turtle, slow but willing, it was getting worse for everybody, at night she was screaming, and there was nothing that we could do about it. Accept given her some painkillers to her serum, was enough to calm her down. Lately in my bed i was started to hear , that they were planing to have some dose of sedative, that we relaxer completely, even to silent her forever. That's when everything when to hell, cause really i didn't wanted see her suffer no more, but i don't wanna killer her too. So my father and us have a discussion that seriously made some sense, He said"Look right now, she isn't' with us anymore she can't walk or talk, she laying there waiting for dead, i mean look there's nothing that we can do about it" in just like that i couldn't think on anything. In life sometime prove to us there always alternatives, but when it come to something like this, we need it more than just medication. So the nurse suggest us, take her to the hospital, and let them care for her. We were running out of our finances, cause of the many bill that was pulling us, that didn't afford for more care. So thank to her insurance, they took her in. So we call a ambulance, they went to her room, and with a stretcher they put her in the van while my father and my little brother ride along. That was it , now i when today to see her and the doctor told that her condition was critical, and she was in a coma, that she can hardly listen, the thing that made my day a little worse, when i ask him how long she got to live? And the answer was minimum day, god dammit. So i when to her in her bed, her face turn to right, a couple tube going to her nose, and another inject to her chest. And i said, Why to i have to fight for a dream, and i blame her for it, and told she was the only one that was interested in my story's, she was always there, to make feel better like a bash of raising brand. I kiss her on her forehead then i left. Coming out, most of the family were there sited, waiting for their turn to see her. So is a matter of time when a new chapter begging. But one thing i tell the house will never be the same, with out her nagging all about it.